[Well maybe she should learn to have fucking locked it then because Raleigh's ignoring that and opening the door anyway. Why? He doesn't know. He doesn't even really like his half sister that much, likes his real sister infinitely better and even Jazmine's a real bitch about stuff sometimes and hanging out with Yancy is just easier and--
Fuck. Why the hell is Chuck crying? He didn't even think she could cry. Suddenly, he's not really irritated anymore, just concerned and maybe a little scared.]
If I wanted to talk to you about it, I would have!
[ she hates crying. she hasn't done much of it in years, but now it's like the tears are leaking out of the corners of her eyes by their own volition. so chuck violently scrubs her face and tries not to scream. the result are a few sick choking sounds. her nose is running and she throws her head back against the wooden cupboard, like that hurt is going to make the physical, visceral heartbreak in her chest any better. ]
I just — I need your mom. [ she needs her mom. wants her mom. wants her dad. but he's dead. ] Can you find her? C — can you have her come home?
[Raleigh's seriously freaked out by her now. Part of him wishes that Yancy was here and not at work because he'd know how to handle this, make Chuck calm the fuck down and tell him what's wrong because Yancy is just good at shit like that where Raleigh is not.
Raleigh is the kind of guy to get his phone out instead, like she asked, and call Jazmine to find out where she and Mom are and okay great, he's glad there's a sale on shoes but maybe come home now because Chuck is freaking out about something and she wants Mom.]
[ chuck nods her assent, because she doesn't trust herself not to start sobbing loudly again if she opens her mouth. but she can wait fifteen minutes, curled on the bathroom floor and steadfastly refusing to explain the source of her grief to raleigh. she begrudges every tear, shudder, and mournful wail that threatens to overtake her, and eventually buries her head in her arms to wait for dominique. and they may not have the report that stepmothers and stepdaughters have in most old fairytales — her father's wife is not a monster, not particularly unkind; smokes a lot, but remembers chuck only eats strawberry jam on her sandwiches — but that doesn't mean she gets along with dominique any better than she gets along with her kids. still, when she finally gets home and kicks raleigh out of the bathroom so she can kneel down and try to assess what's wrong, if chuck closes her eyes and uses her imagination, it's almost like she's her mom, rubbing small circles between her shoulder blades like angela used to do when chuck was a baby and was sick.
she let's chuck cry, and even when she can feel the full grown woman clam up beside her when she finally gets the words out, finally explains, dominique let's her cry without making it all about her own loss. for that chuck respects her. and it's good, because she doesn't cry again for a good long while.
it takes three weeks to hold the funeral, and when they do, there's sandbags in the casket. there's technically been no body recovered, and no one can tell any of them exactly why. they don't even know how, when, or where he died, as apparently whatever mission he was running was top secret. the only thing the family can know is that it somehow involved flying over the pacific ocean. her uncle scott is a wreck when they talk, because he was supposed to be flying as herc's copilot and had been grounded earlier that week for disciplinary reasons. now he had the worse case of survivors guilt, and no more real information than they. chuck's considering writing stacker pentecost, who she doesn't really know, but knows he knew her dad, and knows he has many strings at his disposal for pulling. but first she needs to find a fucking black dress for the occasion.
and it itches. so after the lackluster funeral in the cold, wet, nasty alaskan weather, she peels out of it in the living room and sits around in the leggings and tank top she'd had underneath it, nevermind how cold it is. at some point during the evening raleigh joins her, and they put on an action movie with the volume down low. but chuck's more fidgeting, and within the first ten minutes is bored and casting him sidelong looks. ]
[Just like that, that's the second father figure to leave their lives. To be perfectly honest, Herc was a lot better than Richard ever was. Sure, he came with a real bitch of a daughter but he tried, in his own way, to show that he cared. Or at least, that he wanted to make it work with their mom and he respected that the Becket children weren't little kids and were all old enough to remember their real dad (the jackass that he is) and that they weren't looking for a replacement.
And he's gone now too. Jazmine actually takes it harder than Raleigh expected and she and Mom grieve together and Raleigh and Yancy stick together because they don't really know what else to do and... that just leaves Chuck. By herself. Not that she really ever let any of them near her and part of Raleigh wants to ask what the hell they're going to do with her now.
Are they going to keep her like a dog or is she going to go live with her uncle or is she just going to wait it out until she's eighteen and then never speak to them again.
He puts out an effort after the funeral, coming to join her in the living room for a movie that she can't sit still for and that's fine. Raleigh feels like he needs to get out and do something after this depressing day.]
[ she doesn't have anything specific in mind when she suggests they do something else, but a few possibilities flick by. they could go driving, they could go drinking, they could (make out) fight like they used to, for all she cared, just — something. because she feels kind of numb and doesn't know what to do with herself to make the emotionless tinglies stop.
she's taking too long to decide something, and stalls by rummaging through the drawer under the coffee table. there's mostly dust and dead batteries and pens with no caps of caps with no pens, but she pulls out a deck of cards and shows them to him by way of answer. ]
Okay, so you need two sets of three, and one of four, and they have to be of the same suit or —
[ she launches into a poor explanation of how to play the version of gin her father had taught her. but the scene is all wrong. she's older, sadder, the woman in the kitchen making dinner isn't her mom and isn't laughing. there's no coffee or apple juice between them, and there's no bowl of hard candies that they could use to bet with.
they play a couple hands, which chuck mostly coaches him through it. but it doesn't do much to alleviate her unhappy restlessness. so when she wins — again — and rubs it in his face by splaying her cards over the table in their neat little sets, chuck leans forward on the coffee table and rests her head on the wood. the sudden, longing desire to go home strikes her, but since she's technically already home, there's no reason to complain and she bites her tongue. just rests her head there. and finally — ]
[He'd never admit to it because she'd never believe him but he kind of lets her win by sheer lack of trying to play the game right and well and good. Thinking that maybe it will cheer her up but it doesn't seem to be the case.
She's clearly lost it because she's never apologized in her life to him for anything.]
Took me a year to admit that my dad walked out on us and didn't look back. I get it.
[But he still has his mom, and that's where it's different. He has Yancy and even Jazmine to fall back on if he has to. And Chuck doesn't have anyone really.]
Yeah, I was talking to my grandparents, and they're too sick to take care of me. [ and don't particularly want her; hadn't said it out loud, but it had been implied and she wasn't stupid. it's not like she needed a lot of taking care of, she was going to be eighteen in a few months, and in australia she was already as good as an adult at seventeen. ]
But my Uncle Scott said I could live with him.
[ and she thinks the world of her uncle, which is going to be the beginning of her downfall. ]
That's where I stayed during the summers, so, yeah I got a room and everything.
[ and it might not be as pretty green as her basement bedroom in the becket house, but she can deal with tan walls if it gets her away from here. ]
[ there's something tight and painful in her chest that chuck decidedly will call raleigh what the fuck, and while it steels her resolve, it also makes room for doubt. maybe she shouldn't go — no. ]
You're not my brother, Raleigh, [ chuck snaps like a wounded animal in a net. ] Your brother's not my brother, your sister's not my sister, and your mom's not my mom. My dad just died — maybe I want to be around my actual family, not the fucking seppos he made time for when he didn't even make time for me.
[ an important clarification to be made. she'd been angry with her dad, and regrets how often she'd been mean to him in the name of keeping face. she's angry with him now, too; for dying. for not being around to snap at her to talk to raleigh nicer than that. ]
[The way Raleigh flinches, she might as well have hit him. Because he... doesn't see her as family either and he's been feeling like a real asshole for it since her dad died but. Jazmine is his sister. Chuck is that girl who sleeps in the basement.]
[ somehow she doesn't think the news is going to come as much of a surprise or be much of a disappointment for dominique. one less brat (that wasn't hers in the first place) to deal with. ]
You can tell her if you want to. If you talk to her first — I really don't care.
[He huffs and puffs and rolls his eyes and shrugs it off. He doesn't believe for one second that Chuck really doesn't care as much as she pretends to but whatever. Not his problem.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Fuck. Why the hell is Chuck crying? He didn't even think she could cry. Suddenly, he's not really irritated anymore, just concerned and maybe a little scared.]
What happened? What's wrong?
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[ she hates crying. she hasn't done much of it in years, but now it's like the tears are leaking out of the corners of her eyes by their own volition. so chuck violently scrubs her face and tries not to scream. the result are a few sick choking sounds. her nose is running and she throws her head back against the wooden cupboard, like that hurt is going to make the physical, visceral heartbreak in her chest any better. ]
I just — I need your mom. [ she needs her mom. wants her mom. wants her dad. but he's dead. ] Can you find her? C — can you have her come home?
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Raleigh is the kind of guy to get his phone out instead, like she asked, and call Jazmine to find out where she and Mom are and okay great, he's glad there's a sale on shoes but maybe come home now because Chuck is freaking out about something and she wants Mom.]
Can you wait fifteen minutes?
not as good as the first time i wrote it ;__;
she let's chuck cry, and even when she can feel the full grown woman clam up beside her when she finally gets the words out, finally explains, dominique let's her cry without making it all about her own loss. for that chuck respects her. and it's good, because she doesn't cry again for a good long while.
it takes three weeks to hold the funeral, and when they do, there's sandbags in the casket. there's technically been no body recovered, and no one can tell any of them exactly why. they don't even know how, when, or where he died, as apparently whatever mission he was running was top secret. the only thing the family can know is that it somehow involved flying over the pacific ocean. her uncle scott is a wreck when they talk, because he was supposed to be flying as herc's copilot and had been grounded earlier that week for disciplinary reasons. now he had the worse case of survivors guilt, and no more real information than they. chuck's considering writing stacker pentecost, who she doesn't really know, but knows he knew her dad, and knows he has many strings at his disposal for pulling. but first she needs to find a fucking black dress for the occasion.
and it itches. so after the lackluster funeral in the cold, wet, nasty alaskan weather, she peels out of it in the living room and sits around in the leggings and tank top she'd had underneath it, nevermind how cold it is. at some point during the evening raleigh joins her, and they put on an action movie with the volume down low. but chuck's more fidgeting, and within the first ten minutes is bored and casting him sidelong looks. ]
Can we do something else?
its still beautiful
And he's gone now too. Jazmine actually takes it harder than Raleigh expected and she and Mom grieve together and Raleigh and Yancy stick together because they don't really know what else to do and... that just leaves Chuck. By herself. Not that she really ever let any of them near her and part of Raleigh wants to ask what the hell they're going to do with her now.
Are they going to keep her like a dog or is she going to go live with her uncle or is she just going to wait it out until she's eighteen and then never speak to them again.
He puts out an effort after the funeral, coming to join her in the living room for a movie that she can't sit still for and that's fine. Raleigh feels like he needs to get out and do something after this depressing day.]
Like what?
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she's taking too long to decide something, and stalls by rummaging through the drawer under the coffee table. there's mostly dust and dead batteries and pens with no caps of caps with no pens, but she pulls out a deck of cards and shows them to him by way of answer. ]
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Texas hold 'em? Or go fish?
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I'll teach you. If you don't know. My old man taught me.
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I don't know how to play it. So yeah. Teach away.
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[ she launches into a poor explanation of how to play the version of gin her father had taught her. but the scene is all wrong. she's older, sadder, the woman in the kitchen making dinner isn't her mom and isn't laughing. there's no coffee or apple juice between them, and there's no bowl of hard candies that they could use to bet with.
they play a couple hands, which chuck mostly coaches him through it. but it doesn't do much to alleviate her unhappy restlessness. so when she wins — again — and rubs it in his face by splaying her cards over the table in their neat little sets, chuck leans forward on the coffee table and rests her head on the wood. the sudden, longing desire to go home strikes her, but since she's technically already home, there's no reason to complain and she bites her tongue. just rests her head there. and finally — ]
Sorry for freaking you out.
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She's clearly lost it because she's never apologized in her life to him for anything.]
Uh-- why? I mean you don't have to. I get it.
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he doesn't take her apology immediately, however, and chuck shifts uncomfortably. ]
I shoulda been able to say 'my old man's dead', I just — [ was having a meltdown. ] — couldn't, okay? I couldn't then, and it's stupid.
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[But he still has his mom, and that's where it's different. He has Yancy and even Jazmine to fall back on if he has to. And Chuck doesn't have anyone really.]
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and after a stretch of silence... ]
I don't think I'm gonna stay here with you lot.
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Are you sure?
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But my Uncle Scott said I could live with him.
[ and she thinks the world of her uncle, which is going to be the beginning of her downfall. ]
That's where I stayed during the summers, so, yeah I got a room and everything.
[ and it might not be as pretty green as her basement bedroom in the becket house, but she can deal with tan walls if it gets her away from here. ]
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You don't have to go, you know.
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You're not my brother, Raleigh, [ chuck snaps like a wounded animal in a net. ] Your brother's not my brother, your sister's not my sister, and your mom's not my mom. My dad just died — maybe I want to be around my actual family, not the fucking seppos he made time for when he didn't even make time for me.
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[He holds up his hands like a surrender. He didn't want her to feel forced out, she doesn't have to bite his head off.]
Don't bite my head off because of your daddy issues. Which are crap, by the way. It's not like you ever wanted to be around him or us.
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[ an important clarification to be made. she'd been angry with her dad, and regrets how often she'd been mean to him in the name of keeping face. she's angry with him now, too; for dying. for not being around to snap at her to talk to raleigh nicer than that. ]
My uncle's a better dad than he ever was, anyway.
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Because you spent a few summers around him? That's what you're basing it on?
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[ they'd been doing so well, and now she's snapping at him and wants to hit him. ]
Because he's my family, and you're not.
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Have you told my mom yet?
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[ somehow she doesn't think the news is going to come as much of a surprise or be much of a disappointment for dominique. one less brat (that wasn't hers in the first place) to deal with. ]
You can tell her if you want to. If you talk to her first — I really don't care.
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[He huffs and puffs and rolls his eyes and shrugs it off. He doesn't believe for one second that Chuck really doesn't care as much as she pretends to but whatever. Not his problem.]
But I'll tell her.